Dear Jeremy,
2012 has arrived! All fearing the Aztecs should start packing up their gear for the ominous apocalypse that undoubtedly is going to drop upon our heads some 11 months hence. Until then though, we gotta keep living in the here and now. I must apologize for my lack of full length and regular correspondence with you, as I have been under quite a bit of hectic stress these past six months.
I started a position at a charter school in Brooklyn in mid august, which incidentally, you might notice is about the time these letters fell short of the usually sporadic delivery. The commute to the school was laborious and the rigors of the job proved to be quite an undertaking.
During that time I was under quite a bit of duress, and found that the expectations set for me were often shifty, unclear, or impossible. I can only speak for myself of course, as I had a number of colleagues who were able to get along swimmingly there. While there was a tension beneath the surface, many of the other teachers were able to make a go of it under in a situation that supervised by fear in an environment that appeared to be invented on a week-by-week basis.
As I’m sure you can gather from the context, we are here in 2012 and I am not longer at that school. Through a series of abusive entanglements I met an end of employment there that has been, on paper, described as “no fault”; I myself have been describing that end as “philosophical differences”. Regardless of the nature of the change, in the end I would not allow myself to be bullied, tortured, and made to feel inferior. Unfortunately this means we have fallen on some tough economic tides. The bright spot is that I have found some work in a beautiful school district in Long Island. It is a wonderful opportunity, however the function I am in is not equal to the function I was filling and, as is fitting, I am not compensated at the same rate.
On that note I was able to secure an adjunct professorship at Metropolitan College of New York for the spring semester. This is a dream come true because, believe it or not your father has lofty aspirations of being a stodgy old professor. One step at a time and slowly we’ll achieve. While our home situation is tighter than a noose, I have faith in our ability as a family to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and do what we have to. In a bad market for teaching I was able to secure two jobs in the field—and while they don’t quite make the difference of the money I was making before it just goes to illustrate what your mother and I will no doubt be telling you all your life: there is always work if you are willing to find it.
This brings me to an interesting point. When my employment at the charter school ended, I reluctantly went to sign up for unemployment benefits. I was fairly certain that I would be able to collect because, here I was: unemployed, actively looking for work, with a mortgage to pay, and mouths to feed. Imagine my surprise and horror to find that I was ineligible. Luckily, I was able to find work within a few days of that news. This made me think terribly though. I was in a distraught position…I couldn’t fathom how an educated person with responsibilities, who made all the right choices in life, and always paid his taxes could find himself in such a situation. I wasn’t looking to unduly abuse the system, nor was I looking for a hand out. What criteria did I actually have to fit in order to collect? I couldn’t say for certain.
I went to the library shortly after being released from my position and took out Alan Moore’s V for Vendetta. The imagery of Guy Fawkes masks in confluence of my sudden drop into the 99% seemed very appealing to me. I felt, not a complete kindred awareness with the Occupy Wall Street Movement, but certainly many of the factors that contributed to their genesis. Guy Fawkes masks abound and all that.
In addition to the position at the school I was able to secure a paying gig at one of the better High Schools in the country, only not as a head teacher. While this is a little discouraging I prefer to look at it as an amazing opportunity. Not to sound cliché but when one door closes, another opens—albeit slowly. So here I was, a man who was out of work in a bad economy, with hiring freezes on, and through quick networking and searching was able to find two jobs.
I started wondering about the different factors that contributed to this—in such a bad market, a bad economy, the Great Recession. Without a doubt, my education played a role. I wouldn’t have the credentials to work in a school—excessively qualified or not—without my Master’s Degree. Secondly, having good relationships in school and work helped me because I was able to tap those networks in order to speak with administrators who were able to help me. Something nagged me in the back of my mind though. Something that my background in American Urban Studies and experiences growing up could let me over look.
Passing as white.
Even though my last name is Melendez, I often wonder how far “passing as white” gets me. As you well know I do not consider myself to be white. As a Jew I would never have been traditionally considered white, and the blanching of Jews in American culture—while still only mostly concrete in developed urban areas—really only came about in the past 80 years in the United States with the increased number of collegiate Americans. As Puerto Ricans, our family is brown but not dark; and if the plot of West Side Story is any indication of the general feeling of Americans that doesn’t make me white either. I do, however, present as some kind of white ethnic person—most often I am mistaken for or presumed Italian until my last name comes up.
I have been wondering if perhaps my education in balance with my ethnic last name and my passing-white-visage created something of a perfect storm for my relatively quick re-employment. It certainly didn’t help me any with the social services offices that seemed to almost demand by their formulaic questions that I be uneducated, destitute, and darkly hued. It mattered little that we were on the brink of defaulting on the mortgage, teetering on a zero balance, and on the threshold of hunger. We walked in that social services office and they told us our cars were too new for our kids to be hungry. So, I can only wonder if the same first glance helped me to attain a job. It begs the question about the justifications of affirmative action. I’ve never taken much of a stance on affirmative action because I have never experienced the issue that it seeks to remedy.
I’ve had conversations with highly education African Americans about the topic, and its justifications; about the rally to create and equal playing field. I always wonder how equitable a quota is. In abstraction of race issues, I think most would agree that the best suited for a job is the one best qualified, but what criterion allow for the best qualified to become so accredited? What obstacles lie in the way of those who may have better abilities, but not proper support and motivation? What role does the society play to leverage that out? Is it proper to stack decks in one direction or the other or should the world assign itself to a more Ayn Rand kind of “cream rising to the top” libertarian view?
Logic, in abstraction of the human conditions of fear, xenophobia, racism, and prejudice do dictate to me that the best credentialed should be given work. That logic, when complicated by the downfall of humanity makes it difficult to ascertain if credential is, in fact, equal to skill, talent, and ability. I think not—but what else can an employer judge by in the hiring process? It’s all very tricky, very slippery, very controversial. Regardless, we didn’t get food stamps, welfare, unemployment, or any kind of assistance but I was able to find two jobs that don’t nearly make the difference of the money I was making before. It’s for the best. I don’t want to get caught in the trap of being on assistance and getting complacent (not that everyone on assistance does, I’m just saying I don’t want to get caught in it). I’m not afraid to work, and luck and perseverance had it that I am privileged enough to continue doing so.
So we will struggle. But we will make it. Our family is strong. Our love is strong. And my back is strong. People may say that situations like these are why we should have waited to start a family and buy a house but I say to that “Fuck you”. Its best for my kids and my ability to raise them, emotionally, that I am young. I don’t want to be the grandpa-looking guy who is actually not a grandpa on the playground. I don’t want to be winded chasing after my kids at the park. I’m out of shape at 27…I can’t imagine doing this at 47. We will persevere.
But still…I wonder about those who don’t have the advantages we have; the opportunities for education that we had; the opportunities for supportive families that we have; the luck that we have. I wonder about those and I consider how far we’ve come and how far we still have to go. I’ve often considered myself as post-racial, but not in the buzzword sense of the term. Being as mixed a family as we are, I don’t judge people by their race (but then again of course I do). I like to define it as acknowledging differences with out betraying humanity. At times I’m racist, xenophobic, homophobic, prejudiced, everything. That's the human condition—its irrational and emotional. Logically I try to overcome it with self-awareness, and logical thinking. (Unconsciously I comfort myself saying that these thoughts have a sociological point of view, that I am academically breaking down our systems---its bullshit. I’m working on it).
I can only tell you, once again, that your mother, your sister, your dog, your father, and you will be fine. By the time you are 25 and I am 50 and you are reading this on the terraformed moon beach by the Sea of Tranquility, you’ll know the story of how we made it. You’ll have lived it. And maybe all the other bullshit will be resolved as well. We can only hope. Until then…
Love,
Your Father
P.S. You are a dynamo! Your vocabulary is growing every minute. You say ELMO, CookA (cookie or cookie monster), you say AY-LA, Sissa (sister), Dada, Papa, Nana, Gamma (both grandma), and SAM or Mama (mostly Sam). You say about a million other things too. You play as nicely as you think can with Ayla and try to help her by giving her a bottle or pacifier…even though you cram them in her face, and you torture Chewy at every turn. We love to watch you grow---and grow you do!!!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Thursday, November 17, 2011
November 17th, 2011
Dear Jeremy,
I am going to make this a quick letter—first I want you to know I have been writing a letter for you that I hope to post soon. My work schedule along with the rigors of moving into our house, setting it up, and preparing for the arrival of your sister have kept my writing time to a minimum; especially the somewhat politically charged kind of correspondence I generally try to send you from the past. Luckily, there are little politics involved in the letter I am writing to you now.
As I am typing this letter you are blissfully sleeping, generally unaware of the change that is about to occur in the morning. By all accounts you sister is going to be delivered via C-Section before 11 AM tomorrow. I promised myself that I would write at least this letter to you before your sister arrived and I will be damned if I do not do so.
The past 20 months of my life (the entirety of your own) have been the most amazingly fulfilling I have ever experienced—and this is entirely due to you. Being a father has added a new dimension to my life that I could have never imagined. I love you very much and you bring great joy into my heart. Your mother, you, and me are about to enter into a new phase of our family life together with the arrival of your sister. We expect that she will bring us to a new dimension we could not have imagined as well—we expect her to bring great joy into our hearts as well, and we will love her as well.
With that said, as I am sure you know, your mother and I are both only children and we have been somewhat concerned about how to do deal with your feeling on the subject of having a baby sister. Will you be jealous? Undoubtedly. Will you cry when we can’t pick you up because the new baby will need us to do more for her for a while? Unavoidably. Will you steal her bottle, her pacifier, her toys? Will you make her cry? You betcha. Will we forget you are there? Not a chance.
You will be just as special tomorrow after she is born as you have been until now—if not more so. You will have a new dimension added unto your life: big brother. And your little sister will need you very much in her life. I want you to know that. We have spoken to you about the baby coming, but I feel like you have been more interested in cars, Elmo, and playing—and I can understand that. So I want you to have this list of promises I make to you. I want you to hold me to them, and I will do my best to keep them myself.
- We will never expect you two to be the same.
- We will never make one of you feel better or worse than another.
- We will not play favorites.
- We will never use one child against the other.
- We will love you both more and more each day, unconditionally and without end.
- We will support your preferences, choices, and decisions as best we can.
- We will provide everything we can to make your lives comfortable.
- We will teach you both that hard work and high goals pay off.
- We will practice what we preach.
- We will listen to your opinions and thoughts.
- We will always be there for you.
- We will expose you to as much knowledge and experience with the world as we can.
- We will honor your individuality and indulge your creativity.
- We will always make you feel special.
- We will always let you know you are the most important things in the world for us.
These may seem like givens—like there shouldn’t be any other way—and, if by the time you read this, you cannot imagine there being another way then we’ve done our jobs well and kept our promise. Tomorrow our hearts open a little wider, and our world gets a lot warmer when you sister is born. Life is an amazing and wonderful journey, my son. I never expected you and a doubt I could begin to expect your sister.
My last promise is that these letters will continue to be addressed to you. I have an idea for something for her—it’s not quite there yet but I will have it together soon. I only ask that you don’t mind sharing them with your sister in the event that fate has taken me from the two of you. Occasionally I may talk to her, give updates on her, and send her my regards in my letters to you. These are sentiments that I place in trust of a loving, protective, and caring big brother who will dutifully deliver messages to his sister from their father.
Remember always that I am proud of you, and I love you. You are very special and important to me and your mother. Everything we do we do for you…and now for your sister as well. There is no clean way to wrap this up. I love you.
Love,
Your Father
PS: You are speaking more and more every day. You radiate a brightness and curiosity that automatically endears you to everyone who meets you. You have a personality, a sense of humor, a uniqueness to you that cannot be denied and will not be suppressed. You are now 20 months old and have been going to daycare (school) and you love it there. Since going you have truly started to grow—being with other children your age has launched you into new levels of growth—hopefully you and your sister weill help each other in that way too.
I am going to make this a quick letter—first I want you to know I have been writing a letter for you that I hope to post soon. My work schedule along with the rigors of moving into our house, setting it up, and preparing for the arrival of your sister have kept my writing time to a minimum; especially the somewhat politically charged kind of correspondence I generally try to send you from the past. Luckily, there are little politics involved in the letter I am writing to you now.
As I am typing this letter you are blissfully sleeping, generally unaware of the change that is about to occur in the morning. By all accounts you sister is going to be delivered via C-Section before 11 AM tomorrow. I promised myself that I would write at least this letter to you before your sister arrived and I will be damned if I do not do so.
The past 20 months of my life (the entirety of your own) have been the most amazingly fulfilling I have ever experienced—and this is entirely due to you. Being a father has added a new dimension to my life that I could have never imagined. I love you very much and you bring great joy into my heart. Your mother, you, and me are about to enter into a new phase of our family life together with the arrival of your sister. We expect that she will bring us to a new dimension we could not have imagined as well—we expect her to bring great joy into our hearts as well, and we will love her as well.
With that said, as I am sure you know, your mother and I are both only children and we have been somewhat concerned about how to do deal with your feeling on the subject of having a baby sister. Will you be jealous? Undoubtedly. Will you cry when we can’t pick you up because the new baby will need us to do more for her for a while? Unavoidably. Will you steal her bottle, her pacifier, her toys? Will you make her cry? You betcha. Will we forget you are there? Not a chance.
You will be just as special tomorrow after she is born as you have been until now—if not more so. You will have a new dimension added unto your life: big brother. And your little sister will need you very much in her life. I want you to know that. We have spoken to you about the baby coming, but I feel like you have been more interested in cars, Elmo, and playing—and I can understand that. So I want you to have this list of promises I make to you. I want you to hold me to them, and I will do my best to keep them myself.
- We will never expect you two to be the same.
- We will never make one of you feel better or worse than another.
- We will not play favorites.
- We will never use one child against the other.
- We will love you both more and more each day, unconditionally and without end.
- We will support your preferences, choices, and decisions as best we can.
- We will provide everything we can to make your lives comfortable.
- We will teach you both that hard work and high goals pay off.
- We will practice what we preach.
- We will listen to your opinions and thoughts.
- We will always be there for you.
- We will expose you to as much knowledge and experience with the world as we can.
- We will honor your individuality and indulge your creativity.
- We will always make you feel special.
- We will always let you know you are the most important things in the world for us.
These may seem like givens—like there shouldn’t be any other way—and, if by the time you read this, you cannot imagine there being another way then we’ve done our jobs well and kept our promise. Tomorrow our hearts open a little wider, and our world gets a lot warmer when you sister is born. Life is an amazing and wonderful journey, my son. I never expected you and a doubt I could begin to expect your sister.
My last promise is that these letters will continue to be addressed to you. I have an idea for something for her—it’s not quite there yet but I will have it together soon. I only ask that you don’t mind sharing them with your sister in the event that fate has taken me from the two of you. Occasionally I may talk to her, give updates on her, and send her my regards in my letters to you. These are sentiments that I place in trust of a loving, protective, and caring big brother who will dutifully deliver messages to his sister from their father.
Remember always that I am proud of you, and I love you. You are very special and important to me and your mother. Everything we do we do for you…and now for your sister as well. There is no clean way to wrap this up. I love you.
Love,
Your Father
PS: You are speaking more and more every day. You radiate a brightness and curiosity that automatically endears you to everyone who meets you. You have a personality, a sense of humor, a uniqueness to you that cannot be denied and will not be suppressed. You are now 20 months old and have been going to daycare (school) and you love it there. Since going you have truly started to grow—being with other children your age has launched you into new levels of growth—hopefully you and your sister weill help each other in that way too.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
June 19th, 2011
June 19th, 2011
Dear Jeremy,
Today is both my second Father’s Day as a father and my second Father’s Day as an expecting Father. I would just like to take this moment to quickly reflect on the changes that have occurred in my life both by virtue of your birth and also in confluence.
Since you were born I have walked for both my Bachelor’s Degree and Master’s. Since you were born I have helped start an auspicious company with a mind geared toward both bringing people the joy of escapist literature and the future. I have undertaken and completed about 80% of my first novel, which is currently running. I have begun the prep-work for my first graphic novel. I have started two blogs (including this one) as well as developed at least two ongoing internet columns that will be running on Eat Your Serial along with my novel. I have officially become employed as an elementary school teacher.
I have learned to view your achievements as my own. I have watched you grow with awe and wonder. I have seen you grow and develop from a little helpless newborn into a curious little money; climbing, exploring, playing, questioning, walking, crawling, babbling, and interacting with the world. I have learned that the cliché is not a lie—it does hurt me more than it hurts you. I have learned that there is great joy and rapture in watching you discover even the most minute of things. Watching you play with toy cars as naturally as you breathe, seeing you walk backwards as if it's a magic trick, and playing along as you figured out that peek-a-boo is enormously fun—though I wonder when you will figure out that just because you can’t see me doesn’t mean that I can’t see you. I watch with delight as you walk and with humor as you trip, stumble, and fall because it is followed by the pride as you pull yourself up and go back about your business.
I have come to appreciate my father and my grandfathers, and all father figures and fathers in a greater way being your father and the father of you as-of-yet unidentified sibling. I have come to appreciate Jor-El along with Kal-El, Uncle Ben along with Peter Parker, and, well I always appreciated Batman but now a new dimension in respect to Robin(s) and Nightwing; as well as many other non-fictional fathers.
In respect to that, and all humor aside, I look forward to many more Father’s Days of watching you grow and develop.
Love,
Your Father
P.S. Since I’ve been home you’ve developed quite an appreciation for Sesame Street and especially that accursed Elmo. You stick to Elmo and the Sesame Street gang like glue. Thank god for Jim Henson and the Children’s Television Workshop…but mostly thank god for viewers like you.
Dear Jeremy,
Today is both my second Father’s Day as a father and my second Father’s Day as an expecting Father. I would just like to take this moment to quickly reflect on the changes that have occurred in my life both by virtue of your birth and also in confluence.
Since you were born I have walked for both my Bachelor’s Degree and Master’s. Since you were born I have helped start an auspicious company with a mind geared toward both bringing people the joy of escapist literature and the future. I have undertaken and completed about 80% of my first novel, which is currently running. I have begun the prep-work for my first graphic novel. I have started two blogs (including this one) as well as developed at least two ongoing internet columns that will be running on Eat Your Serial along with my novel. I have officially become employed as an elementary school teacher.
I have learned to view your achievements as my own. I have watched you grow with awe and wonder. I have seen you grow and develop from a little helpless newborn into a curious little money; climbing, exploring, playing, questioning, walking, crawling, babbling, and interacting with the world. I have learned that the cliché is not a lie—it does hurt me more than it hurts you. I have learned that there is great joy and rapture in watching you discover even the most minute of things. Watching you play with toy cars as naturally as you breathe, seeing you walk backwards as if it's a magic trick, and playing along as you figured out that peek-a-boo is enormously fun—though I wonder when you will figure out that just because you can’t see me doesn’t mean that I can’t see you. I watch with delight as you walk and with humor as you trip, stumble, and fall because it is followed by the pride as you pull yourself up and go back about your business.
I have come to appreciate my father and my grandfathers, and all father figures and fathers in a greater way being your father and the father of you as-of-yet unidentified sibling. I have come to appreciate Jor-El along with Kal-El, Uncle Ben along with Peter Parker, and, well I always appreciated Batman but now a new dimension in respect to Robin(s) and Nightwing; as well as many other non-fictional fathers.
In respect to that, and all humor aside, I look forward to many more Father’s Days of watching you grow and develop.
Love,
Your Father
P.S. Since I’ve been home you’ve developed quite an appreciation for Sesame Street and especially that accursed Elmo. You stick to Elmo and the Sesame Street gang like glue. Thank god for Jim Henson and the Children’s Television Workshop…but mostly thank god for viewers like you.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
June 1st, 2011
June 1st, 2011
Dear Jeremy,
My son, the world turns; never blink or you’ll miss it. I had long resigned the capture of Osama Bin Laden to the world of jokes and conspiracy theories. It has been nearly a decade since the terrorist attacks of 9/11. People would often quip “We can put a man on the moon, but we can’t find Osama,” or “A camera can give me a red light ticket but they can’t find Bin Laden”. Two days ago President Obama, who has borne the accusation of cow towing to the Arab world and being soft on terror, announced that “at his command” a team of Navy SEALS found Osama and relieved the Earth of his burden.
The nation exploded. Not since the Allies declared victory in World War II, I think, have Americans congregated apolitically, spontaneously, en masse in front of the White House and in Times Square. People gathered at the slowly rising Ground Zero site. Americans were flooding the streets singing the National Anthem and chanting “USA, USA, USA”. I could not believe what I was seeing from my fellow Americans. I have never in my life seen such unity in our people that was simultaneously joyous, proud, and exuberant.
Grandpa Kenny called me up around ten or ten thirty on that 1st of May. I was working on a final presentation that, incidentally I gave not 40 minutes before I started writing you this letter. I was ready for a late night; what I got was an all-nighter.
“Are you watching the news?” My father asked.
“No. What happened?”
“It seems the president is about to make a speech…”
At this hour? I thought to myself. Something big must be going on. The president had, several days earlier released his “long form” birth certificate to the country and the day before gave a hellava hilarious and sharp speech at the White House Correspondents’ dinner—so he was on a run.
What Grandpa Kenny told me was shocking. A wave of excitement rushed over me.
“Apparently, he is going to announce that they found, killed, and have the body of Osama Bin Laden.”
Jeremy, I am not one to take joy in the death of men (well in movies and video games, yes, but not in reality). I take very little joy in the pain and despair of others, of animals, of extra-terrestrials…sometimes I feel bad for eating (but dammit I’m hungry!). When the US found Saddam Hussein, when the Iraqi people tried him and had him hanged, I did not rejoice. I knew the world was a better place without him, that he would kill me with hesitation, that he hated everything about my people; I did not make phone calls to spread the word. (I did search tirelessly for a video of it, but that was more of morbid curiosity than triumphant—it was academic, not emotional.)
But Bin Laden? That sonofabitch sent a ripple effect through our national psychology that was endlessly effective. Our way of life changed, our country grew polarized (more so), many of my peers went to war and lost their lives in pursuit of justice. But not just justice: vengeance. Revenge is almost never proper. I believe in being the bigger man, finding solace in your personal morality. Right makes might. I believe this, even now. That is how I conduct my life.
Sometimes motherfuckers gotta get killed.
I made some phone calls after that. I called Papa Joe, He was excited to hear the news. I don’t think he cared which President got Osama as long as that bastard was dead as a doornail. I called Grandpa Glenn. You were actually sleeping over at his house just then so I didn’t call him too aggressively because I didn’t want to wake you up. I sent him a text message after he didn’t answer two phone calls. In today’s world of YouTube and other readily available media I didn’t think he’d mind.
I called Keith and spoke with him for a while about it, about the cultural significance of Obama’s Presidency, and the lack of transcendence in poor and minority communities of his accomplishments as symbolism among young men. We also spoke about how “He got that motherfucker,” so don't get me wrong here; we took a sober moment to examine the accomplishments of the man. A half white, half black man, with a Muslim name, from the most remote State in the Union attended Columbia and Harvard, taught law, wrote two books, is an independent millionare, is a strong family man, served in the Senate, became President of the United States, passed several landmark laws (including laws guaranteeing equal pay for women, and the infamous health care reforms), won a Nobel Peace Prize during his Presidency, can catch a fly with his bare hands, delivered a pull out time table for the war in Afghanistan…and accomplished the mission before said pull out by catching the man President Bush could not. Whoa. That's a lot of stuff. I’m sure the President is a good bowler and has a decent jump shot as well.
Still, many young minorities prefer to give their admiration to professional athletes or entertainers citing “What has Obama done for me?” not realizing professional athletes and entertainers do nothing for them. They may cite his achievements are “not relatable” and don’t “speak to the streets”. I don’t think that is a totally true perspective—I think entertainment is more glamorous than politics, and requires less to appreciate. Also Rappers, for example, represent a counter cultural “Do what I gotta” image while the President—regardless of his color—is by definition “The Man”, “The Institution”, “The Authority” that they perceive as oppressive, repressive, and offensive to their goals.
I spoke online to your godfather, Danny, about how Wolf Blitzer is an idiot as he spouted statements like “I assume they have DNA evidence”. Why would you assume that? Journalists aren’t supposed to assume anything. The media today employ journalism so yellow it makes piss look like the white driven snow of the Klondike, I swear. Finally, the President gave his speech. It was under ten minutes. He thanked President Bush and his efforts, he told us “Justice has been served”, and the nation exploded. I asked Danny if he thought our celebrations in the street would be paralleled to the Anti-American Arab rejoicing in the streets just after 9/11. He didn’t want to admit that people could draw that parallel—but we both agreed that people are an amazing animal. It would not be 24 hours before the internet was weighted down with comments from all corners about how “we are no better”.
Let me make this plain and simple:
Rejoicing over the deaths of thousands of unsuspecting civilians in peace time via weaponized commuter airliner is a crime against humanity. It is an act of evil, not a protest. It is not a religious act it is a political one.
Rejoicing over the death of the plotter who manipulated religion to convince others to kamikaze themselves to perpetrate that act and hide for almost a decade as a coward is not a crime against humanity. It is a celebration of Justice. Osama Bin Laden should have, in perfect justice, been killed as thousands of times. His one death does not bring as much justice as it might, but it’ll have to do.
I continued to be awake through the night, working on my presentation and communicating through Facebook and Twitter about these happenings and watching and monitoring the rhetoric and the public’s reaction (and reacting a bit myself). I got into a particular thread on Facebook that I found to be troubling because it was, indeed, indicative of the conversation I had with Keith earlier. I was speaking with my friend Courtney about a posting he made insinuating that, not only was 9/11 an inside job but that the entirety of the government are puppets for the Illuminati. His assertion was that, as a people, we are constantly being duped, mislead, fooled, and herded towards some ultimate and nefarious purpose of shadowy silhouetted figures of mysterious political power and wealth.
I won’t delve too deeply into the subject of that debate but I must take a second to elucidate upon my particular stance on the Mason/Freemason/Illuminati conspiracy theory (in general). It would be an incredibly ineffective geopolitical secret society that allows movies, documentaries, and any other kind of base knowledge of its existence to proliferate to and through the masses. Some argue that this is due to hubris; they say that the secret society doesn’t care if the secret is out because they are unstoppable.
This reasoning is circular within a few decimals of pi: The society is secret, but everyone knows about it, it can afford not to be secret; nobody knows the real secret. Something doesn’t add up and I refuse to believe that at this point in my life I am missing any piece of vital information that can keep a secret society secret if everyone knows about it. I can only accept that the Illuminati conspiracy is a dummy or red herring for some other dubious geopolitical secret society, organization, or group that runs everything; but it logically begs the question “How different could the true puppeteers be than the ruse?” Not much, I assert.
Does this mean that I don't think that there are people behind the scenes that make things move and shake, whom we have very little or no knowledge of? That there aren’t people of great wealth, clout, influence, or incentive that can easily sway the course of might nations? No it does not. I just don’t think it is an ancient secret society that worships an extra dimensional shape and hides clues in everything from pop music to the one dollar bill like the Riddler. There are super-villains in this world, my son, and one of them just got a bullet through the head from an exquisitely trained Navy SEAL; I assure you he wasn’t leaving clues on purpose to be found. Those who wield such behind the scenes influence are most likely not part of any cult beyond business, rarely worship any abstraction beyond the bottom line, and don’t actually run for office themselves because it is easier to move a finger and watch the marionette dance than it is to dance yourself.
My debate with Courtney and his friend Antonio went on for an hour or so. Antonio had a different perspective that it didn’t matter if Bin Laden was dead because the system is only seeking to make complacent drones of the people—particularly those of minority or low socioeconomic status. This type of argument may or may not logically run into the Illuminati argument which Courtney was advocating. Antonio’s argument however has more teeth in the sense that there are many freedom limiting laws being ratified these days that are highly concerning, as well as a great deal of self-destructive legislative actions being conducted in, around, and unto the public education system. The short run of the argument boils down to: regardless of the veracity of their claims it doesn’t change the fact that justice has been served, Bin Laden had been shot, and its about fucking time.
Immediately following this Obama found himself teetering on an approval rating higher than it had been in over a year and a half. Not one to sit on his laurels he quickly began about debating whether or not to release the photos of a dead Bin Laden. Instead, so as to not rouse the terrorists against us, he only showed some top brass and high ranking Congressmen. Shortly thereafter Republicans started throwing their hats in the ring for the 2012 presidential election. Newt Gingrich returned from the abyss he had been tucked away in for the last 10 years while professional politicians like Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee weighed their options (Romney in Huckabee…seemingly not). Apparently they are ready to attack Obama on the economy—which they may have a shot at.
Then, out of nowhere, Obama decides to get in on the Israel/Palestine debate calling for a return to 1967 borders as a policy. What the fuck is that? As Benjamin Netenyahu would say the next day and in the following week those borders are impossible. They are indefensible from attack, they don’t account from the growth of the Israeli society in the past 40 years, and leaves the Israelis with no practical bargaining chips. Furthermore Bibi pointed out that since the Palestinian Authority (which is essentially Arafat’s Fatah) with an endorsement and backing from Hamas—a terrorist organization whose main pursuit is the destruction of Israel…destruction that is identified without recognizing the right of Israel to even exist in the first place.
Way to fuck up your polls. The Jewish community which overwhelmingly voted for Obama is not thrilled at this at all. Obama himself has had to do some back peddling and spinning of language. It was a bad move. The problem is that the Palestinian Authority is looking for recognition in the United Nations in September—which if they get it will make the PA lands a country and will make a territorial dispute in Israel into a war with a sovereign nation. It's a big problem with no apparent solution because Israel will not negotiate with the Palestinians so long as they are allied with Hamas; and they shouldn’t. The US doesn’t negotiate with terrorists or those who collude with them; we shouldn’t expect Israel to either. Furthermore we shouldn't expect them to do it when the terrorists live across the street, literally.
On that note, I can’t wrap this one up cleanly. Those were the big events of 2011. Bin Laden dead, Obama’s Israeli peace plan DOA. Sigh. Son, when you are 25 and I am 50 I can only hope that there is a place our people can call home. Even if I never want to live there, I’m damn sure I could, no questions asked. The Holocaust wasn’t that long ago and it could happen very quickly. I know this sounds awful conservative of me—but I never claimed to cling to one side or the other. My big personal issue is digging for consistency in my personal views and this issue is one of the big reasons because its seems that for Israel I feel one thing should happen…but I wonder if I’d feel the same for the United States to do it?
Until next time, my boy. I’m gonna be hanging out with you all summer!
Love,
Your Father
PS Since my last letter you have gone from kinda walking to really running, from making sounds to babbling with the intention of talking, you’ve grown many teeth, you’ve learned to climb, jump, and bounce. You are making a strong transition from baby to boy which is good because we’ve got another baby on the way. You’re gonna be a big brother, little man! Be a good one and “do nice” to the baby!
Oh, also I graduated from my Master’s Program. Thank God. And Eat Your Serial launched. Thank God. So I’m a Master, an entrepreneur, and a novelist. Also your Mommy and Me put a bid on a house—so we’re gonna have a house soon. Phew. Lets get busy! That’s not enough stuff yet!
Dear Jeremy,
My son, the world turns; never blink or you’ll miss it. I had long resigned the capture of Osama Bin Laden to the world of jokes and conspiracy theories. It has been nearly a decade since the terrorist attacks of 9/11. People would often quip “We can put a man on the moon, but we can’t find Osama,” or “A camera can give me a red light ticket but they can’t find Bin Laden”. Two days ago President Obama, who has borne the accusation of cow towing to the Arab world and being soft on terror, announced that “at his command” a team of Navy SEALS found Osama and relieved the Earth of his burden.
The nation exploded. Not since the Allies declared victory in World War II, I think, have Americans congregated apolitically, spontaneously, en masse in front of the White House and in Times Square. People gathered at the slowly rising Ground Zero site. Americans were flooding the streets singing the National Anthem and chanting “USA, USA, USA”. I could not believe what I was seeing from my fellow Americans. I have never in my life seen such unity in our people that was simultaneously joyous, proud, and exuberant.
Grandpa Kenny called me up around ten or ten thirty on that 1st of May. I was working on a final presentation that, incidentally I gave not 40 minutes before I started writing you this letter. I was ready for a late night; what I got was an all-nighter.
“Are you watching the news?” My father asked.
“No. What happened?”
“It seems the president is about to make a speech…”
At this hour? I thought to myself. Something big must be going on. The president had, several days earlier released his “long form” birth certificate to the country and the day before gave a hellava hilarious and sharp speech at the White House Correspondents’ dinner—so he was on a run.
What Grandpa Kenny told me was shocking. A wave of excitement rushed over me.
“Apparently, he is going to announce that they found, killed, and have the body of Osama Bin Laden.”
Jeremy, I am not one to take joy in the death of men (well in movies and video games, yes, but not in reality). I take very little joy in the pain and despair of others, of animals, of extra-terrestrials…sometimes I feel bad for eating (but dammit I’m hungry!). When the US found Saddam Hussein, when the Iraqi people tried him and had him hanged, I did not rejoice. I knew the world was a better place without him, that he would kill me with hesitation, that he hated everything about my people; I did not make phone calls to spread the word. (I did search tirelessly for a video of it, but that was more of morbid curiosity than triumphant—it was academic, not emotional.)
But Bin Laden? That sonofabitch sent a ripple effect through our national psychology that was endlessly effective. Our way of life changed, our country grew polarized (more so), many of my peers went to war and lost their lives in pursuit of justice. But not just justice: vengeance. Revenge is almost never proper. I believe in being the bigger man, finding solace in your personal morality. Right makes might. I believe this, even now. That is how I conduct my life.
Sometimes motherfuckers gotta get killed.
I made some phone calls after that. I called Papa Joe, He was excited to hear the news. I don’t think he cared which President got Osama as long as that bastard was dead as a doornail. I called Grandpa Glenn. You were actually sleeping over at his house just then so I didn’t call him too aggressively because I didn’t want to wake you up. I sent him a text message after he didn’t answer two phone calls. In today’s world of YouTube and other readily available media I didn’t think he’d mind.
I called Keith and spoke with him for a while about it, about the cultural significance of Obama’s Presidency, and the lack of transcendence in poor and minority communities of his accomplishments as symbolism among young men. We also spoke about how “He got that motherfucker,” so don't get me wrong here; we took a sober moment to examine the accomplishments of the man. A half white, half black man, with a Muslim name, from the most remote State in the Union attended Columbia and Harvard, taught law, wrote two books, is an independent millionare, is a strong family man, served in the Senate, became President of the United States, passed several landmark laws (including laws guaranteeing equal pay for women, and the infamous health care reforms), won a Nobel Peace Prize during his Presidency, can catch a fly with his bare hands, delivered a pull out time table for the war in Afghanistan…and accomplished the mission before said pull out by catching the man President Bush could not. Whoa. That's a lot of stuff. I’m sure the President is a good bowler and has a decent jump shot as well.
Still, many young minorities prefer to give their admiration to professional athletes or entertainers citing “What has Obama done for me?” not realizing professional athletes and entertainers do nothing for them. They may cite his achievements are “not relatable” and don’t “speak to the streets”. I don’t think that is a totally true perspective—I think entertainment is more glamorous than politics, and requires less to appreciate. Also Rappers, for example, represent a counter cultural “Do what I gotta” image while the President—regardless of his color—is by definition “The Man”, “The Institution”, “The Authority” that they perceive as oppressive, repressive, and offensive to their goals.
I spoke online to your godfather, Danny, about how Wolf Blitzer is an idiot as he spouted statements like “I assume they have DNA evidence”. Why would you assume that? Journalists aren’t supposed to assume anything. The media today employ journalism so yellow it makes piss look like the white driven snow of the Klondike, I swear. Finally, the President gave his speech. It was under ten minutes. He thanked President Bush and his efforts, he told us “Justice has been served”, and the nation exploded. I asked Danny if he thought our celebrations in the street would be paralleled to the Anti-American Arab rejoicing in the streets just after 9/11. He didn’t want to admit that people could draw that parallel—but we both agreed that people are an amazing animal. It would not be 24 hours before the internet was weighted down with comments from all corners about how “we are no better”.
Let me make this plain and simple:
Rejoicing over the deaths of thousands of unsuspecting civilians in peace time via weaponized commuter airliner is a crime against humanity. It is an act of evil, not a protest. It is not a religious act it is a political one.
Rejoicing over the death of the plotter who manipulated religion to convince others to kamikaze themselves to perpetrate that act and hide for almost a decade as a coward is not a crime against humanity. It is a celebration of Justice. Osama Bin Laden should have, in perfect justice, been killed as thousands of times. His one death does not bring as much justice as it might, but it’ll have to do.
I continued to be awake through the night, working on my presentation and communicating through Facebook and Twitter about these happenings and watching and monitoring the rhetoric and the public’s reaction (and reacting a bit myself). I got into a particular thread on Facebook that I found to be troubling because it was, indeed, indicative of the conversation I had with Keith earlier. I was speaking with my friend Courtney about a posting he made insinuating that, not only was 9/11 an inside job but that the entirety of the government are puppets for the Illuminati. His assertion was that, as a people, we are constantly being duped, mislead, fooled, and herded towards some ultimate and nefarious purpose of shadowy silhouetted figures of mysterious political power and wealth.
I won’t delve too deeply into the subject of that debate but I must take a second to elucidate upon my particular stance on the Mason/Freemason/Illuminati conspiracy theory (in general). It would be an incredibly ineffective geopolitical secret society that allows movies, documentaries, and any other kind of base knowledge of its existence to proliferate to and through the masses. Some argue that this is due to hubris; they say that the secret society doesn’t care if the secret is out because they are unstoppable.
This reasoning is circular within a few decimals of pi: The society is secret, but everyone knows about it, it can afford not to be secret; nobody knows the real secret. Something doesn’t add up and I refuse to believe that at this point in my life I am missing any piece of vital information that can keep a secret society secret if everyone knows about it. I can only accept that the Illuminati conspiracy is a dummy or red herring for some other dubious geopolitical secret society, organization, or group that runs everything; but it logically begs the question “How different could the true puppeteers be than the ruse?” Not much, I assert.
Does this mean that I don't think that there are people behind the scenes that make things move and shake, whom we have very little or no knowledge of? That there aren’t people of great wealth, clout, influence, or incentive that can easily sway the course of might nations? No it does not. I just don’t think it is an ancient secret society that worships an extra dimensional shape and hides clues in everything from pop music to the one dollar bill like the Riddler. There are super-villains in this world, my son, and one of them just got a bullet through the head from an exquisitely trained Navy SEAL; I assure you he wasn’t leaving clues on purpose to be found. Those who wield such behind the scenes influence are most likely not part of any cult beyond business, rarely worship any abstraction beyond the bottom line, and don’t actually run for office themselves because it is easier to move a finger and watch the marionette dance than it is to dance yourself.
My debate with Courtney and his friend Antonio went on for an hour or so. Antonio had a different perspective that it didn’t matter if Bin Laden was dead because the system is only seeking to make complacent drones of the people—particularly those of minority or low socioeconomic status. This type of argument may or may not logically run into the Illuminati argument which Courtney was advocating. Antonio’s argument however has more teeth in the sense that there are many freedom limiting laws being ratified these days that are highly concerning, as well as a great deal of self-destructive legislative actions being conducted in, around, and unto the public education system. The short run of the argument boils down to: regardless of the veracity of their claims it doesn’t change the fact that justice has been served, Bin Laden had been shot, and its about fucking time.
Immediately following this Obama found himself teetering on an approval rating higher than it had been in over a year and a half. Not one to sit on his laurels he quickly began about debating whether or not to release the photos of a dead Bin Laden. Instead, so as to not rouse the terrorists against us, he only showed some top brass and high ranking Congressmen. Shortly thereafter Republicans started throwing their hats in the ring for the 2012 presidential election. Newt Gingrich returned from the abyss he had been tucked away in for the last 10 years while professional politicians like Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee weighed their options (Romney in Huckabee…seemingly not). Apparently they are ready to attack Obama on the economy—which they may have a shot at.
Then, out of nowhere, Obama decides to get in on the Israel/Palestine debate calling for a return to 1967 borders as a policy. What the fuck is that? As Benjamin Netenyahu would say the next day and in the following week those borders are impossible. They are indefensible from attack, they don’t account from the growth of the Israeli society in the past 40 years, and leaves the Israelis with no practical bargaining chips. Furthermore Bibi pointed out that since the Palestinian Authority (which is essentially Arafat’s Fatah) with an endorsement and backing from Hamas—a terrorist organization whose main pursuit is the destruction of Israel…destruction that is identified without recognizing the right of Israel to even exist in the first place.
Way to fuck up your polls. The Jewish community which overwhelmingly voted for Obama is not thrilled at this at all. Obama himself has had to do some back peddling and spinning of language. It was a bad move. The problem is that the Palestinian Authority is looking for recognition in the United Nations in September—which if they get it will make the PA lands a country and will make a territorial dispute in Israel into a war with a sovereign nation. It's a big problem with no apparent solution because Israel will not negotiate with the Palestinians so long as they are allied with Hamas; and they shouldn’t. The US doesn’t negotiate with terrorists or those who collude with them; we shouldn’t expect Israel to either. Furthermore we shouldn't expect them to do it when the terrorists live across the street, literally.
On that note, I can’t wrap this one up cleanly. Those were the big events of 2011. Bin Laden dead, Obama’s Israeli peace plan DOA. Sigh. Son, when you are 25 and I am 50 I can only hope that there is a place our people can call home. Even if I never want to live there, I’m damn sure I could, no questions asked. The Holocaust wasn’t that long ago and it could happen very quickly. I know this sounds awful conservative of me—but I never claimed to cling to one side or the other. My big personal issue is digging for consistency in my personal views and this issue is one of the big reasons because its seems that for Israel I feel one thing should happen…but I wonder if I’d feel the same for the United States to do it?
Until next time, my boy. I’m gonna be hanging out with you all summer!
Love,
Your Father
PS Since my last letter you have gone from kinda walking to really running, from making sounds to babbling with the intention of talking, you’ve grown many teeth, you’ve learned to climb, jump, and bounce. You are making a strong transition from baby to boy which is good because we’ve got another baby on the way. You’re gonna be a big brother, little man! Be a good one and “do nice” to the baby!
Oh, also I graduated from my Master’s Program. Thank God. And Eat Your Serial launched. Thank God. So I’m a Master, an entrepreneur, and a novelist. Also your Mommy and Me put a bid on a house—so we’re gonna have a house soon. Phew. Lets get busy! That’s not enough stuff yet!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
March 6th, 2011- Your First Birthday
March 6th, 2011
Dear Jeremy,
Happy First Birthday! I know I have much in the world of politics to talk with you about—in fact its been quite exciting politically all around the world. Egypt, Libya, and Jordan have been exploding with revolution and government dissolutions, the President called for a major consolidation of the Federal Government (then never spoke of it again), and New York City has been clamoring to do either illegal or immoral things in the public school system. But, for once, you know what? Forget all of that! It’s your first birthday! The world can stop spinning for one day!
Even though it’s my last semester in graduate school and I have been insanely busy with shit-loads of work I wouldn’t miss making a post on your birthday—let alone your first birthday—for all the Google hits in Bieberland. I just wanted to take a few moments to reflect on the past year of my life—also known as the first year of yours.
You are without a doubt the most amazing child that has ever graced this earth, Every day I look upon you and fall in love over and over again. Some days I wonder if you were real and I get depressed to wonder if you were merely a dream or figment of my imagination until I see you again. Every one who meets you remarks on how big you are, how smart you, how cute you are, and how good you are. It is a joy to take you into restaurants—especially when we see how your dirty rotten peers and elders act in eateries large and small.
That being said I would appreciate it if you would please do a few things for me as soon as possible.
1. Walk (but don't run)
2. Speak (but be polite)
3. Finish teething (but have better teeth than I do)
4. Sleep in your crib through the whole night (like you did before you started teething)
5. When sleeping in your crib throughout the whole night please don’t wet your diaper
6. Get potty trained
7. Get a job that pays more than Mommy’s and Daddy’s combined before your next birthday
If you do number 7 in the next week or so you can take your time on the rest of the list. Is that a deal?
Honestly, I cannot recall the void that was in my soul before you were born—I never imagined that there could be such a capacity for love, pride, and adoration inside of me. You have helped me to grow just as I hope to help you grow.
Over this past year I have watched the world that I have become jaded and cynical of through your eyes—fresh and new and full of hope and wonder—and it has only confirmed the reasons why I write you these letters. I want you to know what that world was as you wondered—with a little bit of spin from your Old Man of course! I want you to be able to look back when I’m 50 and you’re 25 and say “that's what the world was when I was a baby—this is what my Dad thought about it before he got the microchip in his cerebellum…wow he used to be pretty bad at spelling and math!”
Jeremy, my son, I love you more than a million Letters To Jeremy could ever express. Every day watching you is a wonderful affirmation of every good choice I’ve ever made in my life and karmic reward for every good deed. You are quite the show.
Today we are throwing you the most amazing first birthday party for grown-ups you’ll ever see. We’ll show you the pictures one day and you’ll ask us why we did it and we’ll tell you…something. Your Mother and I love you very much and we want to celebrate every milestone of your life in an extraordinary way.
On that note, I wish you only happiness and fulfillment in life and a very happy first birthday! (I’m hoping someone got you some comic books for Daddy, but I won’t hold my breath!) I cannot wait to see who you grow up to be—but rest assured I’ll be there when you get there with pride and love overflowing from my chest. Happy Birthday, son.
Love,
Your Father
P.S. Everyone has seen you take two or more steps but me. You refuse to walk for me—but I know you can! I’ve seen you cruising around. You weigh just over 20 pounds and you had your very first haircut on Friday. You were such a good boy! Even though you got a little cranky towards the end you didn’t cry and you weren’t scared. You’ve been mimicking us more and more and I’m sure you’ll be sprinting and debating in no time!
Dear Jeremy,
Happy First Birthday! I know I have much in the world of politics to talk with you about—in fact its been quite exciting politically all around the world. Egypt, Libya, and Jordan have been exploding with revolution and government dissolutions, the President called for a major consolidation of the Federal Government (then never spoke of it again), and New York City has been clamoring to do either illegal or immoral things in the public school system. But, for once, you know what? Forget all of that! It’s your first birthday! The world can stop spinning for one day!
Even though it’s my last semester in graduate school and I have been insanely busy with shit-loads of work I wouldn’t miss making a post on your birthday—let alone your first birthday—for all the Google hits in Bieberland. I just wanted to take a few moments to reflect on the past year of my life—also known as the first year of yours.
You are without a doubt the most amazing child that has ever graced this earth, Every day I look upon you and fall in love over and over again. Some days I wonder if you were real and I get depressed to wonder if you were merely a dream or figment of my imagination until I see you again. Every one who meets you remarks on how big you are, how smart you, how cute you are, and how good you are. It is a joy to take you into restaurants—especially when we see how your dirty rotten peers and elders act in eateries large and small.
That being said I would appreciate it if you would please do a few things for me as soon as possible.
1. Walk (but don't run)
2. Speak (but be polite)
3. Finish teething (but have better teeth than I do)
4. Sleep in your crib through the whole night (like you did before you started teething)
5. When sleeping in your crib throughout the whole night please don’t wet your diaper
6. Get potty trained
7. Get a job that pays more than Mommy’s and Daddy’s combined before your next birthday
If you do number 7 in the next week or so you can take your time on the rest of the list. Is that a deal?
Honestly, I cannot recall the void that was in my soul before you were born—I never imagined that there could be such a capacity for love, pride, and adoration inside of me. You have helped me to grow just as I hope to help you grow.
Over this past year I have watched the world that I have become jaded and cynical of through your eyes—fresh and new and full of hope and wonder—and it has only confirmed the reasons why I write you these letters. I want you to know what that world was as you wondered—with a little bit of spin from your Old Man of course! I want you to be able to look back when I’m 50 and you’re 25 and say “that's what the world was when I was a baby—this is what my Dad thought about it before he got the microchip in his cerebellum…wow he used to be pretty bad at spelling and math!”
Jeremy, my son, I love you more than a million Letters To Jeremy could ever express. Every day watching you is a wonderful affirmation of every good choice I’ve ever made in my life and karmic reward for every good deed. You are quite the show.
Today we are throwing you the most amazing first birthday party for grown-ups you’ll ever see. We’ll show you the pictures one day and you’ll ask us why we did it and we’ll tell you…something. Your Mother and I love you very much and we want to celebrate every milestone of your life in an extraordinary way.
On that note, I wish you only happiness and fulfillment in life and a very happy first birthday! (I’m hoping someone got you some comic books for Daddy, but I won’t hold my breath!) I cannot wait to see who you grow up to be—but rest assured I’ll be there when you get there with pride and love overflowing from my chest. Happy Birthday, son.
Love,
Your Father
P.S. Everyone has seen you take two or more steps but me. You refuse to walk for me—but I know you can! I’ve seen you cruising around. You weigh just over 20 pounds and you had your very first haircut on Friday. You were such a good boy! Even though you got a little cranky towards the end you didn’t cry and you weren’t scared. You’ve been mimicking us more and more and I’m sure you’ll be sprinting and debating in no time!
Saturday, December 25, 2010
December 25th, 2010
December 25th, 2010
Dear Jeremy,
It has been a whole semester since I last wrote to you; so I must apologize for my lack of correspondence. I hope my remittance of duty in writing to you is alleviated only by the fact that I do in fact see you every single day of your life. That being said, phew! So much has happened since September. I have been very busy in my Master’s program at NYU: student teaching, coasting by-- not reading the assignments, and busting my ass to read the assignments when the papers are coming due. With the semester over I can manage to write to you about something that has been nagging at me concerning most public discourses; regardless of whether or not they are overtly conceded.
The issue that I wish to speak about today is the difference between equality and equity, and sure enough, I know I have mentioned it before. A big piece of the great political divide that is currently preventing any legislation of worth from occurring in this country is the supposed interchangeability of these two terms. In fact the word “equity” never gets thrown around at all unless its in reference to a home loan or mortgage. I am not suggesting the country call J.G. Wentworth (877 CASH NOW); it’s not the kind of equity I am talking about at all.
When the term “equality” gets thrown around the conservative movement in this country—whether they are a tea party or a pick-a-nig party—get very wound up saying the laws on the books make everyone “equal”, that the spirit of the land says “all men were created equal” and if they really feel that they are up against the wall they point a finger and start yelling “communist” and “socialist”.
Going as far back as my first letter to you, I’ve stated that remarks of this kind are generally unfounded, especially in the United States where capitalism hasn’t existed in a pure form for over 100 years and where socialism has been in effect for damn near 80 years but even that is still a financial/economic kind of equity that I’m not actually talking about (though all things in a society are interconnected).
What I am actually talking about is social equity. Social equity, or social justice, is a philosophy that every one should have an equal opportunity and every one should have equal treatment under the auspices of government and law. This is the kind of equity that does indeed allow for a class system, does indeed allow for poverty, and does indeed allow for the children of rich people to inherit their family fortunes and remain rich.
What it doesn’t allow for is two simultaneous, or three concurrent systems of law and government; systems which allow the poor to be tried as poor -- without real advocacy, for the middle (oh the dwindling middle!) to have a 50:50 shot at fair justice, and the upper crust to have about 95:5 shot of going home versus slap on the wrist. Now these of course are gross generalizations; but I’m trying to illustrate a point.
Where is the social justice in a system that sends people partaking in, admittedly illegal actions, such as distributing relatively small amounts of marijuana to jail for longer periods of time than say…rapists, murders, and multimillionaire CFOs who have lost every penny the American people invested in them? This strange balance of “pot is bad (mmkay?)”, “making thousands of people homeless is less bad” is a major problem in the priorities of the legal system.
Recently a specific stride towards equality was made in the repeal of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” which was a fundamentally discriminatory practice in the U.S. Military based on sexual orientation. Military personnel were under an unfair edict for 17 years that required they suppress or lie about their sexual preferences. This is a case in the United States of a deep-seated hypocrisy being brought to the forefront and dismantled. If the United States claims all men created equal than the equality of choice and an ability to voice your preferences should be one of our highest ideals. This is not limited to the freedom of religion it should be extended to all personal choices. If all men are created equal then homosexual men are equal. If they have a right to pursue happiness then they should be able to pursue that gaiety with the vigor of any other American. This is a solid case for equality; and as of yet a successful one.
Then you’ve got financial deregulation, which is a big conservative (Pee Party) ideological what-have-you. Financial deregulation is, in fairness, a series of reversals of laws on the books that take America’s pseudo-socialist economic policy back towards a more laissez faire kind of capitalism. This is a fair thing for people who yell “communist!” and “socialist!” at the drop of a hat to want. The problem is that the premise of such a system is fundamentally flawed. Now I have always said that “A single person is good, but a bunch of people together are no damned good” and I will addendum that with “those no damned good people will inevitably succumb to a mob mentality”. So what does that mean? If you have a bunch of people running monetary decisions they will not by human nature do what is best for the masses. They will do what is best for their selves and damned be the rest.
In this point of my argument I must clarify, because even as I am writing it I hear Ayn Rand’s Jim and Dagny Taggert arguing in my head. It is not business’ business to make the world equitable, it is business’ business to make money. It is the United States Government’s job to make the country equitable. Which brings us back to equity and equality. It’s still slippery; I understand that. If I were to distill it to a point I would say that, in regards to legislative edicts like affirmative action, equality is quotas and equity is hiring on merit, experience, and ability. To hire a minority because he or she is a minority and a certain number of that group has to be represented in your business, school, institution whatever is wrong—it is in fact the same thing as hiring an unqualified white person over a qualified black one. Equity is saying “this person is more equipped and skilled, therefore I will hire him/her”. It’s fairness.
Now, I’ve been dealing with a lot of third graders lately and if you ask a third grader they will tell you that fairness is equality. It’s not true. If Jimmy gets a star because he did good work and Johnny didn’t that’s equity. If Jimmy did good work and everybody gets a star regardless of what they did that’s equality. Equality is “everyone gets the same thing” and equity is “Everybody gets what they need”. Equality is the case, or rather it should be, with the letter of the law. Everyone should get the same thing in legal cases—senator, pauper, billionaire mogul, drug dealer, everyone should be the same in the eyes of the courts and sheriffs. Equality should be the case for accessibility to proper health care. Equality should be the case for access to your elected officials. Equality should be the case for access to education.
Job markets, capitalist job markets especially, don’t run that way. You would think in a money making enterprise that racism would get thrown out of the window for such things as bottom-line and competition but humans are a very funny animal; almost like coyotes in their xenophobia. Many people will gnaw off their hands, monetarily speaking, in order to not hire those that are different from them. So laws have to be put on the books that ensure equitable opportunity. Many lawmakers, and most constituents unfortunately don’t understand the subtle yet not-so-subtle difference between equality and equity so the job market gets quotas placed upon it. “You have to hire X number of these kinds of people in ratio to Y number of that” which makes merit, and the idea of a meritocracy (re: one big word that is defined as “The only way to realize the American Dream”) an impossible system in the workplace or business world.
Now, before I move on I want to curb any misunderstandings. There are no racist implications in what I just said. Affirmative action could be a great tool for equity but it is instead used as a pawn for equality. Equality is not fairness it is an abandonment of objective consideration. Many others would argue that what I am talking about is putting too much trust in the hands of employers—that quotas are necessary in order to ensure that people aren’t being discriminated against. I think that’s bunk. I want people to be discriminated against. Any red-blooded American capitalist will tell you that discrimination is the most important thing in hiring—what should be prevented is racial, ethnic, gender, creed, religious, or sexual orientation based discrimination. People should be discriminated against always in every area of the job market by their ability. That’s why you go to school, it why you bust your ass at your vocation or profession, and its why you earn money—because you have worked hard to be the best. As the best you should be chosen for jobs.
Success should be a simple equation. Know your shit, work hard, wear a tie (when applicable). These things can be a mix in doses but the recipe won’t work without all the parts. Take the new New York City Schools Chancellor, Cathie Black, for example; here is a woman who has worked hard, knows when to wear a tie (as it were), and was able to become the head of one of the largest school districts in the country. What’s all the hubbub about then? She has no background in education—so she doesn’t know her shit. They had to create a job of “Knowing education type-stuff” as a direct aid to her. So what use is she? She doesn’t know her shit. So is it equity, or even equality that she has been appointed to this position? It doesn’t actually make any sense. If I were building a skyscraper and put the world’s greatest hair stylist in charge of architecture does that make any sense whatsoever?
“Accomplished in designing” would be the reason given. Does hair dressing have anything to do with architecture? What if I appointed an assistant architect and titled them “Special Assistant with Practical Knowledge of How To Be Certain This Building Doesn’t Fall And Kill Hundreds of People”? Wouldn’t you rather, at the very least, that I put the one with the practical knowledge in charge and take the highly accomplished hairdresser in a position of power that was more befitting to their role?
Equity. Cathie Black has been put in charge to make sure the system is run in a financially sound way while a CEO in charge of education has been put in to makes sure education is being attended to. In a reasonable scenario their roles would be flipped. The person with the educational knowledge appropriate to over see a school system should be Chancellor while someone of Cathie Black’s accomplishment should be made CFO to make sure the system doesn’t bleed itself to death. Her appointment is not equitable to the children of New York because she is not what they need.
She is equitable to Mayor King Bloomberg because what he always is in need of is more yes-men and cronies.
Jeremy, my boy, I don’t know where you will be attending school. We don’t currently live in the City of New York, but rather in the ‘burbs just outside. You may go to Long Island public schools, we may live in the boroughs, you may go to a private school. We don’t know right now. I do know the world you will live in though and at the end of the day you will find that it will offer equity and equality in uneven and irregular doses. The world runs on a system of “who you know not what you know”; though many a politician and law tries to make it otherwise. This is not pessimism or negativity on my part that’s just the way it is. There are times and places where equity should come into play as well as equality. Equality is far less useful and is not usually appropriate; where as equity is a slippery beast and may fall victim to subjective judgments. As always, I don’t quite have it down yet…but I can point to where it’s broken. Usually in tangled bureaucratic public administration. All the same that does not mean that either is without value. Everyone should have equal rights and treatment before the law and everyone should be treated equitably by the world. Utopian, perhaps, but it sounds much better as an ideal than “just accept that every is jerks and the world sucks”. It doesn’t have to be.
Love,
Your Father
P.S. Since my last letter you’ve started eating a wide variety of foods including but not limited to: fish, beef, pasta, pea soup, mashed potatoes, bread, ice cream, rice crispies, cheerios, and much much more. Basically you eat what we eat (plus formula…you still take a bottle!). You also have five teeth with more on the way, you’ve mastered crawling, you climb up on just about anything and cruise and skate along the sides. I think you’ll walk soon. You make all kinds of fun noises and seem to desperately want to tell us…something. You are in the 78th Percentile in height and at nine months old are wearing the 18 months size and you’ve got enough hair to make a wig for Great-Grandpa Joe and Great-Great-Uncle Nisan. No lie. You are quite the flirt with all kinds of ladies you come across and win their hearts left and right. Also you love toy cars. How about that?
P.P.S. Even though we are Jewish and that is the faith you are being raised in, Grandpa Kenny’s side of the family is Catholic and Christian. Today is Christmas! Hooray! You will be getting the benefit of a fantastic part of my childhood: Chanukah and Christmas presents! Get ready to get spoiled! I can’t wait to see what you think of a Christmas Tree with blinking lights and shiny, shiny, ornaments.
Dear Jeremy,
It has been a whole semester since I last wrote to you; so I must apologize for my lack of correspondence. I hope my remittance of duty in writing to you is alleviated only by the fact that I do in fact see you every single day of your life. That being said, phew! So much has happened since September. I have been very busy in my Master’s program at NYU: student teaching, coasting by-- not reading the assignments, and busting my ass to read the assignments when the papers are coming due. With the semester over I can manage to write to you about something that has been nagging at me concerning most public discourses; regardless of whether or not they are overtly conceded.
The issue that I wish to speak about today is the difference between equality and equity, and sure enough, I know I have mentioned it before. A big piece of the great political divide that is currently preventing any legislation of worth from occurring in this country is the supposed interchangeability of these two terms. In fact the word “equity” never gets thrown around at all unless its in reference to a home loan or mortgage. I am not suggesting the country call J.G. Wentworth (877 CASH NOW); it’s not the kind of equity I am talking about at all.
When the term “equality” gets thrown around the conservative movement in this country—whether they are a tea party or a pick-a-nig party—get very wound up saying the laws on the books make everyone “equal”, that the spirit of the land says “all men were created equal” and if they really feel that they are up against the wall they point a finger and start yelling “communist” and “socialist”.
Going as far back as my first letter to you, I’ve stated that remarks of this kind are generally unfounded, especially in the United States where capitalism hasn’t existed in a pure form for over 100 years and where socialism has been in effect for damn near 80 years but even that is still a financial/economic kind of equity that I’m not actually talking about (though all things in a society are interconnected).
What I am actually talking about is social equity. Social equity, or social justice, is a philosophy that every one should have an equal opportunity and every one should have equal treatment under the auspices of government and law. This is the kind of equity that does indeed allow for a class system, does indeed allow for poverty, and does indeed allow for the children of rich people to inherit their family fortunes and remain rich.
What it doesn’t allow for is two simultaneous, or three concurrent systems of law and government; systems which allow the poor to be tried as poor -- without real advocacy, for the middle (oh the dwindling middle!) to have a 50:50 shot at fair justice, and the upper crust to have about 95:5 shot of going home versus slap on the wrist. Now these of course are gross generalizations; but I’m trying to illustrate a point.
Where is the social justice in a system that sends people partaking in, admittedly illegal actions, such as distributing relatively small amounts of marijuana to jail for longer periods of time than say…rapists, murders, and multimillionaire CFOs who have lost every penny the American people invested in them? This strange balance of “pot is bad (mmkay?)”, “making thousands of people homeless is less bad” is a major problem in the priorities of the legal system.
Recently a specific stride towards equality was made in the repeal of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” which was a fundamentally discriminatory practice in the U.S. Military based on sexual orientation. Military personnel were under an unfair edict for 17 years that required they suppress or lie about their sexual preferences. This is a case in the United States of a deep-seated hypocrisy being brought to the forefront and dismantled. If the United States claims all men created equal than the equality of choice and an ability to voice your preferences should be one of our highest ideals. This is not limited to the freedom of religion it should be extended to all personal choices. If all men are created equal then homosexual men are equal. If they have a right to pursue happiness then they should be able to pursue that gaiety with the vigor of any other American. This is a solid case for equality; and as of yet a successful one.
Then you’ve got financial deregulation, which is a big conservative (Pee Party) ideological what-have-you. Financial deregulation is, in fairness, a series of reversals of laws on the books that take America’s pseudo-socialist economic policy back towards a more laissez faire kind of capitalism. This is a fair thing for people who yell “communist!” and “socialist!” at the drop of a hat to want. The problem is that the premise of such a system is fundamentally flawed. Now I have always said that “A single person is good, but a bunch of people together are no damned good” and I will addendum that with “those no damned good people will inevitably succumb to a mob mentality”. So what does that mean? If you have a bunch of people running monetary decisions they will not by human nature do what is best for the masses. They will do what is best for their selves and damned be the rest.
In this point of my argument I must clarify, because even as I am writing it I hear Ayn Rand’s Jim and Dagny Taggert arguing in my head. It is not business’ business to make the world equitable, it is business’ business to make money. It is the United States Government’s job to make the country equitable. Which brings us back to equity and equality. It’s still slippery; I understand that. If I were to distill it to a point I would say that, in regards to legislative edicts like affirmative action, equality is quotas and equity is hiring on merit, experience, and ability. To hire a minority because he or she is a minority and a certain number of that group has to be represented in your business, school, institution whatever is wrong—it is in fact the same thing as hiring an unqualified white person over a qualified black one. Equity is saying “this person is more equipped and skilled, therefore I will hire him/her”. It’s fairness.
Now, I’ve been dealing with a lot of third graders lately and if you ask a third grader they will tell you that fairness is equality. It’s not true. If Jimmy gets a star because he did good work and Johnny didn’t that’s equity. If Jimmy did good work and everybody gets a star regardless of what they did that’s equality. Equality is “everyone gets the same thing” and equity is “Everybody gets what they need”. Equality is the case, or rather it should be, with the letter of the law. Everyone should get the same thing in legal cases—senator, pauper, billionaire mogul, drug dealer, everyone should be the same in the eyes of the courts and sheriffs. Equality should be the case for accessibility to proper health care. Equality should be the case for access to your elected officials. Equality should be the case for access to education.
Job markets, capitalist job markets especially, don’t run that way. You would think in a money making enterprise that racism would get thrown out of the window for such things as bottom-line and competition but humans are a very funny animal; almost like coyotes in their xenophobia. Many people will gnaw off their hands, monetarily speaking, in order to not hire those that are different from them. So laws have to be put on the books that ensure equitable opportunity. Many lawmakers, and most constituents unfortunately don’t understand the subtle yet not-so-subtle difference between equality and equity so the job market gets quotas placed upon it. “You have to hire X number of these kinds of people in ratio to Y number of that” which makes merit, and the idea of a meritocracy (re: one big word that is defined as “The only way to realize the American Dream”) an impossible system in the workplace or business world.
Now, before I move on I want to curb any misunderstandings. There are no racist implications in what I just said. Affirmative action could be a great tool for equity but it is instead used as a pawn for equality. Equality is not fairness it is an abandonment of objective consideration. Many others would argue that what I am talking about is putting too much trust in the hands of employers—that quotas are necessary in order to ensure that people aren’t being discriminated against. I think that’s bunk. I want people to be discriminated against. Any red-blooded American capitalist will tell you that discrimination is the most important thing in hiring—what should be prevented is racial, ethnic, gender, creed, religious, or sexual orientation based discrimination. People should be discriminated against always in every area of the job market by their ability. That’s why you go to school, it why you bust your ass at your vocation or profession, and its why you earn money—because you have worked hard to be the best. As the best you should be chosen for jobs.
Success should be a simple equation. Know your shit, work hard, wear a tie (when applicable). These things can be a mix in doses but the recipe won’t work without all the parts. Take the new New York City Schools Chancellor, Cathie Black, for example; here is a woman who has worked hard, knows when to wear a tie (as it were), and was able to become the head of one of the largest school districts in the country. What’s all the hubbub about then? She has no background in education—so she doesn’t know her shit. They had to create a job of “Knowing education type-stuff” as a direct aid to her. So what use is she? She doesn’t know her shit. So is it equity, or even equality that she has been appointed to this position? It doesn’t actually make any sense. If I were building a skyscraper and put the world’s greatest hair stylist in charge of architecture does that make any sense whatsoever?
“Accomplished in designing” would be the reason given. Does hair dressing have anything to do with architecture? What if I appointed an assistant architect and titled them “Special Assistant with Practical Knowledge of How To Be Certain This Building Doesn’t Fall And Kill Hundreds of People”? Wouldn’t you rather, at the very least, that I put the one with the practical knowledge in charge and take the highly accomplished hairdresser in a position of power that was more befitting to their role?
Equity. Cathie Black has been put in charge to make sure the system is run in a financially sound way while a CEO in charge of education has been put in to makes sure education is being attended to. In a reasonable scenario their roles would be flipped. The person with the educational knowledge appropriate to over see a school system should be Chancellor while someone of Cathie Black’s accomplishment should be made CFO to make sure the system doesn’t bleed itself to death. Her appointment is not equitable to the children of New York because she is not what they need.
She is equitable to Mayor King Bloomberg because what he always is in need of is more yes-men and cronies.
Jeremy, my boy, I don’t know where you will be attending school. We don’t currently live in the City of New York, but rather in the ‘burbs just outside. You may go to Long Island public schools, we may live in the boroughs, you may go to a private school. We don’t know right now. I do know the world you will live in though and at the end of the day you will find that it will offer equity and equality in uneven and irregular doses. The world runs on a system of “who you know not what you know”; though many a politician and law tries to make it otherwise. This is not pessimism or negativity on my part that’s just the way it is. There are times and places where equity should come into play as well as equality. Equality is far less useful and is not usually appropriate; where as equity is a slippery beast and may fall victim to subjective judgments. As always, I don’t quite have it down yet…but I can point to where it’s broken. Usually in tangled bureaucratic public administration. All the same that does not mean that either is without value. Everyone should have equal rights and treatment before the law and everyone should be treated equitably by the world. Utopian, perhaps, but it sounds much better as an ideal than “just accept that every is jerks and the world sucks”. It doesn’t have to be.
Love,
Your Father
P.S. Since my last letter you’ve started eating a wide variety of foods including but not limited to: fish, beef, pasta, pea soup, mashed potatoes, bread, ice cream, rice crispies, cheerios, and much much more. Basically you eat what we eat (plus formula…you still take a bottle!). You also have five teeth with more on the way, you’ve mastered crawling, you climb up on just about anything and cruise and skate along the sides. I think you’ll walk soon. You make all kinds of fun noises and seem to desperately want to tell us…something. You are in the 78th Percentile in height and at nine months old are wearing the 18 months size and you’ve got enough hair to make a wig for Great-Grandpa Joe and Great-Great-Uncle Nisan. No lie. You are quite the flirt with all kinds of ladies you come across and win their hearts left and right. Also you love toy cars. How about that?
P.P.S. Even though we are Jewish and that is the faith you are being raised in, Grandpa Kenny’s side of the family is Catholic and Christian. Today is Christmas! Hooray! You will be getting the benefit of a fantastic part of my childhood: Chanukah and Christmas presents! Get ready to get spoiled! I can’t wait to see what you think of a Christmas Tree with blinking lights and shiny, shiny, ornaments.
Monday, September 6, 2010
September 6th, 2010
September 6th, 2010
Dear Jeremy,
As I start to settle into the idea that I am an adult I am jolted by the fact that I am also a husband and a father. You are six months old today so, I have to admit that on a day to day basis I am pretty settled in the fact that I am all three of those things—for better or worse and to the best of my ability. Being an adult is really the least of the three because “adult” status is something that is bestowed upon you when you cross the arbitrary threshold of eighteen years old. You are by all legal standards an adult the very moment they can dress you in green, hand you a rifle, and tell you to kill and die for an abstract ideology (or more appropriately a monetarily driven political debate wrapped in a brightly colored abstract ideology). Being a father and a husband are rooted in something much more important than mere adulthood—it is rooted in manhood.
Manhood is a quality that I am having a hard time defining in myself because it too is an abstract ideology but it is something that I must instill in you. A couple years ago, just before I started dating your Mother a friend of mine told me that he was getting married. Suffice it to say I was at a much more Peter Pan-ish stage in my life than I am now and I felt it prudent to tell him that I was very happy for him as long as he “was ready to be a man”. He asked me what I meant by that and I told him if he had to ask then he probably wasn’t ready. That may be true but as I am getting older and really becoming comfortable in my own manhood I wonder if his question was about a less exoteric notion than I had at that point considered. I am starting to wonder if he literally was asking what “being a man” meant to me— or in other words how do I define it, personally.
Manhood is one of those variable traits that switches and changes along predefined roles and responsibilities across countries and cultures. Usually it is understood to be attained through varies rites of passage or milestones of maturity; some of which come at fixed ages and other which come through experience. These rites once fulfilled and experiences one…um…experienced and processed eventually start to give you an appreciation for the world and your role within it that should be exuded in your actions as manhood. Got it?
Americans have a very specific fantasy of manhood that has previously been personified by the likes of Audie Murphy—a World War II hero and veteran turned movies star and John Wayne—the essence of American machismo and bravado distilled into a cowboy hat and flavored with tobacco. Both of these men were personifications of the soldier. As I implied before: you cannot be a solider if you are not an adult. A soldier however can also be a personification of manhood—fighting the good fight to make the world safe for “x,y,z” reason from the “a,b,c” threat. Over time American sensibility has morphed this soldier/cowboy movie manhood into almost an anti-hero, or a man who can stand apart or against the societal norms and systemic institutions while simultaneously being a part of them. Bruce Willis’ John McClain from the Die Hard movies is an example of this or Harrison Ford playing the President (again) that gets caught up in some plot and has to shoot his way out of it.
While there are many humorous observations to be made about these stereotypes of American manhood such as:
“American Men never have to reload their guns. They shoot infinity bullets”
“You can always tell the good guys by the color of their hats”
“The stronger your manhood, the wittier your one liners”
“In order to be the President you need to be badass and the Vice President has to be a Wookie.”
There is something simultaneously deep and shallow being said through these archetypes. The depth of it is the implied sense of “doing-good” while the shallow part is “watch me blow up this car by shooting it with infinity bullets” (that doesn’t really work by the way so, Jeremy, don’t waste your allowance on infinity bullets). “Doing-good” is a firmly rooted staple of manhood; though it is more appropriately expanded to having a “good sense of morality”. Morality is also a slippery beast to saddle because it can be so varied and while something may not be legal it may not be justice and while something may be just it may not be kind and while something may be kind it may not be right. At the end of the day morality is about doing what’s “right” despite justice, legality, and kindness though they are not by far mutually exclusive.
Many groups try to instill morality upon others; none more virulently and emphatically than religious groups. Religious groups will all try to convince you that they have “the true word of god” and that all of the other religions are false and will eventually lead you into either: hell, or someplace that doesn’t have as good a view in heaven as they’ve got. I personally have more than my fair share of problems with organized religion, but as I’m sure you’ve noticed by now you’ve been raised in the Jewish faith. You may wonder why I have chosen to instill in you reverence, love, and fear for an invisible man who never speaks or otherwise shows himself and has rules that you must follow lest he be MAD AT YOU FOREVER (I cannot do the topic justice as George Carlin did, and I must refer you to him for elaboration).
The answer is simple—the root of my morality comes from the teachings of the Jewish Faith despite all of the rigmarole that man has added to it in order to lord it up over others. All religions do this, by the way—they have a kernel of truth and then build around it crazy customs that, sometimes, seem whimsical and must be carried out as a measure of your faith and my extension your morality.
In religion morality is taught through an ephemeral sense of cause and effect—if I don’t follow the Ten Commandments God will punish me—and it is followed by an adult sense of corporeal cause and effect. Thou shalt not kill because you will go to hell becomes a death sentence for murder-one. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife becomes a punch in the face from a very angry husband. The power of these lessons is imparted via mythology, fable, and parable—Aesop’s, Greek, Grimm, even and especially the Bible, Torah, Quran, Bhagavad Gita (religious texts in general)—while corporeal law will be imparted through anecdote and journalism.
Religious morality however does not equal morality in general. Many religions allow totally reprehensible acts to be committed in the name of God—most famously Christianity and Islam. Wars are fought by two or more sides all claiming to have God behind them; which would be fine if they weren’t all claiming the same God. I have often asserted that the major clash between Christians, Jews, and Muslims all come from the inability to share the same one God. Perhaps if these three monotheistic faiths all had a different deity there wouldn’t be as much friction between them—probably not.
You will find examples of morality being throw your way from all avenues of life. Your schools will try to teach you to share, to be kind, not to lie, and not to run with scissors. You will find that the media (I mentioned a few movie examples earlier) will also provide you with unending spins on morality. The influence that pop-culture will attempt to have on your morality cannot be measured. While I boast a considerable vocabulary that was garnered from reading comic books all my life it also had an impact on my sense of right and wrong and justice. Much like John Wayne and Audie Murphy had their influence form the movies for many comic books had their influence on me.
Senses of honorability, respectability, and doing the right thing because it’s right and not because it’s easy have their root in my reading comic books and as such I cannot deny the medium or its effect on my morality. Comic books and reading them are a big part not only of the development of my sense of morality but are also a big part of the person that I am.
Being honorable or respectable are resultant of morality most times—and they are important facets of being a good man. They are the qualities that people will cite in their ability to trust you. Trustworthiness is one of the most important aspects of your manhood. An untrustworthy man is usually not much of a man to speak of. A person you cannot trust is of no use, they have no purpose, and in the end they will only let you down or leave you in a situation that could have been avoided. An untrustworthy person is a regret waiting to happen. You should steer clear of people like that and never allow yourself to be them.
Some mistake the concept of “manhood” with the idea of “toughness”. “Toughness” is the kind of “Street cred” is not the kind of bravado rooted manhood you should ever worry about. There will be times when you may have to use your fists to defend your honor—but those times should be few and far between. The kind of supposed manhood that is garnered from fisticuffs is hardly worth merit and even worse it only lasts until somebody an put you down on your ass. I am not saying you shouldn’t be able to defend yourself—as a matter of fact if you can you’ll have one up on your old man because my martial art consists of “kick ‘em in the balls and run”—but remember that you ability to use words will always serve you far better than your ability to punch. The pen is mighty than the sword…but don’t test that literally only literarily.
As you get older you will start to make your own decisions on spirituality, religion, morality, and the metaphysical. You will decide to make your own way or to follow a designed path or some compromise of the two—that is not my decision to make for you. It is only my responsibility to instill in you the morals that I think are necessary to make you a good and worthwhile person the only way I know how—example and faith (and more of the former than the latter…some things are for ethnic and cultural benefit). I hope that in your journey to manhood you will find yourself to be honest, hard working, creative, loyal, inquisitive, and independent. I hope you will find yourself saying please and thank you; I hope you will find yourself gracious and considerate of others. I hope you find yourself to be honorable. Most of all I hope you find yourself to be respectable—and not in the “street cred” sort of respect. Nobody should ever question your integrity or your intentions.
I’ll do what I can to get you there—as will the people who helped me get to the place where I am (if that’s considered to be a respectable man…only time will tell). I’ve spoken about the outside influences that will steer your morality, honorability, and trustworthiness but they will all be trumped by the influence (hopefully) of your parents, your grandparents, your aunts and uncles, your cousins, and good friends (emphasis on the good). You come from a good family with a good mother and a half-assed father that tries his best. I dream everyday of the man you will be and the great times we will have together and the pain in the ass you will be as a teenager. Every day. So today on your six-month-birthday I hope you know that I cherish every moment as they come and can’t wait to know all about what you think about stuffs and junk…y’know feelings.
Love,
Your Father
P.S.- As I said you are six months old today. You’ve come a long way from the raspy voiced mush in the NICU. You’ve developed such a distinctive personality over the past six months it makes us sick! Everyone who meets you is impressed. Let’s hope you make some money for Mommy and Daddy since Mommy is trying to sign you up for some baby modeling. You gonna pay for us sonny! In all seriousness we love you very much and all I ask is you do your best to say Da-da first!
Dear Jeremy,
As I start to settle into the idea that I am an adult I am jolted by the fact that I am also a husband and a father. You are six months old today so, I have to admit that on a day to day basis I am pretty settled in the fact that I am all three of those things—for better or worse and to the best of my ability. Being an adult is really the least of the three because “adult” status is something that is bestowed upon you when you cross the arbitrary threshold of eighteen years old. You are by all legal standards an adult the very moment they can dress you in green, hand you a rifle, and tell you to kill and die for an abstract ideology (or more appropriately a monetarily driven political debate wrapped in a brightly colored abstract ideology). Being a father and a husband are rooted in something much more important than mere adulthood—it is rooted in manhood.
Manhood is a quality that I am having a hard time defining in myself because it too is an abstract ideology but it is something that I must instill in you. A couple years ago, just before I started dating your Mother a friend of mine told me that he was getting married. Suffice it to say I was at a much more Peter Pan-ish stage in my life than I am now and I felt it prudent to tell him that I was very happy for him as long as he “was ready to be a man”. He asked me what I meant by that and I told him if he had to ask then he probably wasn’t ready. That may be true but as I am getting older and really becoming comfortable in my own manhood I wonder if his question was about a less exoteric notion than I had at that point considered. I am starting to wonder if he literally was asking what “being a man” meant to me— or in other words how do I define it, personally.
Manhood is one of those variable traits that switches and changes along predefined roles and responsibilities across countries and cultures. Usually it is understood to be attained through varies rites of passage or milestones of maturity; some of which come at fixed ages and other which come through experience. These rites once fulfilled and experiences one…um…experienced and processed eventually start to give you an appreciation for the world and your role within it that should be exuded in your actions as manhood. Got it?
Americans have a very specific fantasy of manhood that has previously been personified by the likes of Audie Murphy—a World War II hero and veteran turned movies star and John Wayne—the essence of American machismo and bravado distilled into a cowboy hat and flavored with tobacco. Both of these men were personifications of the soldier. As I implied before: you cannot be a solider if you are not an adult. A soldier however can also be a personification of manhood—fighting the good fight to make the world safe for “x,y,z” reason from the “a,b,c” threat. Over time American sensibility has morphed this soldier/cowboy movie manhood into almost an anti-hero, or a man who can stand apart or against the societal norms and systemic institutions while simultaneously being a part of them. Bruce Willis’ John McClain from the Die Hard movies is an example of this or Harrison Ford playing the President (again) that gets caught up in some plot and has to shoot his way out of it.
While there are many humorous observations to be made about these stereotypes of American manhood such as:
“American Men never have to reload their guns. They shoot infinity bullets”
“You can always tell the good guys by the color of their hats”
“The stronger your manhood, the wittier your one liners”
“In order to be the President you need to be badass and the Vice President has to be a Wookie.”
There is something simultaneously deep and shallow being said through these archetypes. The depth of it is the implied sense of “doing-good” while the shallow part is “watch me blow up this car by shooting it with infinity bullets” (that doesn’t really work by the way so, Jeremy, don’t waste your allowance on infinity bullets). “Doing-good” is a firmly rooted staple of manhood; though it is more appropriately expanded to having a “good sense of morality”. Morality is also a slippery beast to saddle because it can be so varied and while something may not be legal it may not be justice and while something may be just it may not be kind and while something may be kind it may not be right. At the end of the day morality is about doing what’s “right” despite justice, legality, and kindness though they are not by far mutually exclusive.
Many groups try to instill morality upon others; none more virulently and emphatically than religious groups. Religious groups will all try to convince you that they have “the true word of god” and that all of the other religions are false and will eventually lead you into either: hell, or someplace that doesn’t have as good a view in heaven as they’ve got. I personally have more than my fair share of problems with organized religion, but as I’m sure you’ve noticed by now you’ve been raised in the Jewish faith. You may wonder why I have chosen to instill in you reverence, love, and fear for an invisible man who never speaks or otherwise shows himself and has rules that you must follow lest he be MAD AT YOU FOREVER (I cannot do the topic justice as George Carlin did, and I must refer you to him for elaboration).
The answer is simple—the root of my morality comes from the teachings of the Jewish Faith despite all of the rigmarole that man has added to it in order to lord it up over others. All religions do this, by the way—they have a kernel of truth and then build around it crazy customs that, sometimes, seem whimsical and must be carried out as a measure of your faith and my extension your morality.
In religion morality is taught through an ephemeral sense of cause and effect—if I don’t follow the Ten Commandments God will punish me—and it is followed by an adult sense of corporeal cause and effect. Thou shalt not kill because you will go to hell becomes a death sentence for murder-one. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife becomes a punch in the face from a very angry husband. The power of these lessons is imparted via mythology, fable, and parable—Aesop’s, Greek, Grimm, even and especially the Bible, Torah, Quran, Bhagavad Gita (religious texts in general)—while corporeal law will be imparted through anecdote and journalism.
Religious morality however does not equal morality in general. Many religions allow totally reprehensible acts to be committed in the name of God—most famously Christianity and Islam. Wars are fought by two or more sides all claiming to have God behind them; which would be fine if they weren’t all claiming the same God. I have often asserted that the major clash between Christians, Jews, and Muslims all come from the inability to share the same one God. Perhaps if these three monotheistic faiths all had a different deity there wouldn’t be as much friction between them—probably not.
You will find examples of morality being throw your way from all avenues of life. Your schools will try to teach you to share, to be kind, not to lie, and not to run with scissors. You will find that the media (I mentioned a few movie examples earlier) will also provide you with unending spins on morality. The influence that pop-culture will attempt to have on your morality cannot be measured. While I boast a considerable vocabulary that was garnered from reading comic books all my life it also had an impact on my sense of right and wrong and justice. Much like John Wayne and Audie Murphy had their influence form the movies for many comic books had their influence on me.
Senses of honorability, respectability, and doing the right thing because it’s right and not because it’s easy have their root in my reading comic books and as such I cannot deny the medium or its effect on my morality. Comic books and reading them are a big part not only of the development of my sense of morality but are also a big part of the person that I am.
Being honorable or respectable are resultant of morality most times—and they are important facets of being a good man. They are the qualities that people will cite in their ability to trust you. Trustworthiness is one of the most important aspects of your manhood. An untrustworthy man is usually not much of a man to speak of. A person you cannot trust is of no use, they have no purpose, and in the end they will only let you down or leave you in a situation that could have been avoided. An untrustworthy person is a regret waiting to happen. You should steer clear of people like that and never allow yourself to be them.
Some mistake the concept of “manhood” with the idea of “toughness”. “Toughness” is the kind of “Street cred” is not the kind of bravado rooted manhood you should ever worry about. There will be times when you may have to use your fists to defend your honor—but those times should be few and far between. The kind of supposed manhood that is garnered from fisticuffs is hardly worth merit and even worse it only lasts until somebody an put you down on your ass. I am not saying you shouldn’t be able to defend yourself—as a matter of fact if you can you’ll have one up on your old man because my martial art consists of “kick ‘em in the balls and run”—but remember that you ability to use words will always serve you far better than your ability to punch. The pen is mighty than the sword…but don’t test that literally only literarily.
As you get older you will start to make your own decisions on spirituality, religion, morality, and the metaphysical. You will decide to make your own way or to follow a designed path or some compromise of the two—that is not my decision to make for you. It is only my responsibility to instill in you the morals that I think are necessary to make you a good and worthwhile person the only way I know how—example and faith (and more of the former than the latter…some things are for ethnic and cultural benefit). I hope that in your journey to manhood you will find yourself to be honest, hard working, creative, loyal, inquisitive, and independent. I hope you will find yourself saying please and thank you; I hope you will find yourself gracious and considerate of others. I hope you find yourself to be honorable. Most of all I hope you find yourself to be respectable—and not in the “street cred” sort of respect. Nobody should ever question your integrity or your intentions.
I’ll do what I can to get you there—as will the people who helped me get to the place where I am (if that’s considered to be a respectable man…only time will tell). I’ve spoken about the outside influences that will steer your morality, honorability, and trustworthiness but they will all be trumped by the influence (hopefully) of your parents, your grandparents, your aunts and uncles, your cousins, and good friends (emphasis on the good). You come from a good family with a good mother and a half-assed father that tries his best. I dream everyday of the man you will be and the great times we will have together and the pain in the ass you will be as a teenager. Every day. So today on your six-month-birthday I hope you know that I cherish every moment as they come and can’t wait to know all about what you think about stuffs and junk…y’know feelings.
Love,
Your Father
P.S.- As I said you are six months old today. You’ve come a long way from the raspy voiced mush in the NICU. You’ve developed such a distinctive personality over the past six months it makes us sick! Everyone who meets you is impressed. Let’s hope you make some money for Mommy and Daddy since Mommy is trying to sign you up for some baby modeling. You gonna pay for us sonny! In all seriousness we love you very much and all I ask is you do your best to say Da-da first!
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